The Wetness Academy

A Decade of Tradition, Fellowship & Distinguished Competition

To the Gentlemen of the Academy, and to all persons of suitably exceptional character who may find themselves within these hallowed halls:

It is with great pride, and no small measure of ceremony, that we welcome you to The Wetness Academy, as we mark the tenth anniversary of this most distinguished institution.

Ten years.

A full decade of fellowship, competition, triumph, heartbreak, questionable roster decisions, and an almost unwavering adherence to the principles of gentlemanly conduct.

While the Academy has evolved over the years, and its present format has now been observed for eight distinguished seasons, the traditions upon which this league was founded remain as steadfast as ever. Indeed, it is this continuity of spirit—rather than mere continuity of format—that has allowed the Academy to endure.

For ten years, its members have gathered in the pursuit of excellence on the football field, while simultaneously demonstrating the character and restraint expected of gentlemen of such standing.

Chivalry has been observed.

Honor has been defended.

Tradition has been respected.

And, on rare occasions, a trade has been completed without at least one party subsequently questioning the moral character of the other.

The gentlemen of the Wetness Academy are men of high standing and impeccable character. They understand that victory, while certainly desirable, must always be pursued within the bounds of decorum. They accept defeat with dignity, offer congratulations to their rivals with sincerity, and would never dream of exploiting an unfortunate technicality in the rules merely for personal gain.

Naturally, should such an opportunity present itself, it would be considered only after the most thorough consultation with the League Constitution.

The Academy has survived because it is more than a fantasy football league. It is a fellowship—a yearly reunion of gentlemen bound by history, rivalry, friendship, and the shared conviction that their particular interpretation of football analytics is considerably more sophisticated than everyone else’s.

Over the course of a decade, rivalries have been established, dynasties have risen and fallen, reputations have been forged, and certain gentlemen have developed an entirely unwarranted confidence in their ability to identify a breakout running back.

Yet through it all, the Academy endures.

Ten years of tradition.
Eight years in its present form.
One enduring commitment to gentlemanly competition.

As we commence this anniversary season, let us therefore conduct ourselves as those who came before us would have wished: with honor, with wit, with sportsmanship, and with precisely the appropriate amount of hostility toward the gentleman unfortunate enough to be occupying the opposing roster.

May the coming season add another distinguished chapter to our history.

May the best gentleman prevail.

And may the fantasy gods, as always, favor those who have properly set their lineups.

Yours in fellowship, competition, and the finest traditions of the Academy,

The Office of the Commissioner
The Wetness Academy
Established a Decade Ago. Distinguished Ever Since.